I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
