the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
