you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
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She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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