If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
