if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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