I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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