i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
