well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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