he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
