YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
