Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
