I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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