I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
