I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
