I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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