Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
