it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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