you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
