remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
