Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
