nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
