Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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