after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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