So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
