I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
