Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We got so high we made milksteak
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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