there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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