First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
even my farts smell like vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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