Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
