I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
