It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
