At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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