The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
