I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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