Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
