dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
