don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Panties = found
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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