dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize