I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
