your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
