His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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