I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
