I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
