Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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