Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
