found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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