Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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