actually, I'm a sock model
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
