Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
