Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You took a bar mat shot.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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