you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Your cock deserves a montage
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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