I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
