And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
