Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
