Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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