Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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