Ambien. No doubt about it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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