There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
