Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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