Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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