I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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