You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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