Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
