all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
