I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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