I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
