you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
