Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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