Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
